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STRAIGHT TO THE POINT PICK UP LINES

You'll find lots of usefull and useless pick-up lines on these pages. You can try some of them and tell us if you have some success :)





FLASH GAMES

FUNNY PICTURES

VIDEOS / MOVIES

FUNNY JOKES

FLASH CARTOONS

PICK UP LINES

OPTICAL ILLUSIONS

SOUNDBOARDS

WEBMASTERS






Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew... Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out! Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm? Excuse me, have I fucked you yet? Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize? Fancy a fuck? Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do? I am a magical being, take off your bra. I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me? I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body? I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW! I wanna put my thingy into your thingy. I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch! I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down. I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you. I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover". My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex? Nice tits. Mind if I feel them? NOW, BITCH! Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow? Sex is a killer...want to die happy? Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire. Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?" Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt. The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. Wanna fuck like bunnies? We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck. What can I do to make you sleep with me? What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply. Your face or MINE!? Your place or mine? I wish you were a screen door..... [Why?] So I can slam you all day long! Let's go get liquored up and rape each other. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours. Chick do now. I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart... Nice legs, lets eat out. Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me! If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole? You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt." Hi my name is (your name), did I mention I have a penis. My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth? Show me your pussy! Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody's cumming. If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me? If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches. I know where there is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear. Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down! Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina! I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in Dah, wanna see my dink? (silently mouth) I want a fig newton. Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one? Your chest looks a little sore. Would you like me to numb it? Do you wanna lick my tongue? Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you? Do you like apples? (Yes.) How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples? Do you like jewels? (Yes.) Suck my dick, it's a gem. Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I'll owe you one. Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice. Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out? Tell me how my cum tastes. First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button. I've got a great big cock! You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I like Spaghetti, Let's go fuck! Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them? Do you cheesy lines or do you just want to do it? May i pleasure you with my tongue? Wanna go 50-50 on a rape charge? I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy. (walk up to the bar and sit down in the seat next to them. While looking at them, order a drink and drink it down) Well, we can't fuck here! Fuck me, I'm beautiful enough to be with you all night. So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score? Hi I'm (your name) I swallow I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas. Mines bigger than his want proof? I got a 14 inch cock, why don't you come home with me and I'll let you ride it. You are rubber, I'm glue, what ever you say, I bet I will fuck you. Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory. I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free. I would fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it. Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead! Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you? Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place. Whip it out and show me what you got, so I can save the disappointment from later. Do you have any tacos on you? (No.) In that case, will you make out with me? Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is... Are you gay? (No.) Wow, me neither, let's have sex. Hi. Last night, a little leprechaun came up to me and told me that if you don't have sex with me tonight, your(or my) dick is going to fall off. We don't want that now do we? I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first participant? If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No.) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks. Let's go fuck in a brand new limo. Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck? Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, "Fuck it". love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration? Nice fucking weather. Want to? Wanna fuck, or should I call my lawyer? Hi, my name is Guerrermo. I eat pussy like a woman. You remind me of a blue ribbon bass. I don't know if I should mount you or eat you. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under... I'm not a slut, I'm just popular. Wanna fuck me and be the Big Man on Campus? You know, you really piss me off. You are the most disgusting bitch I have ever seen. Absolutely disgraceful. Wanna suck my hairy balls? You -will- go home with me tonight. I ran out of Viagra. Can I use you? Do you know what part of the tongue registers the salty taste? Why don't you blow me and find out? Excuse me, but I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell "RUN". Can you lick your nipples? [No.] Can I? Alright, let's go... I'll give you a half hour. I'm not an expert in hardware, but I know that you'd be able to screw my nuts off. (put out hand) Give me five. (after they give you five, leave your hand up) Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head. Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut? Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed? You've been a bad, bad girl (boy). Go to my room! Ever slept in a $5000 bed? Want to? This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex. I'm hard. You wet? I'm a necrophiliac... How well do you play dead? If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you? I'm rubber, your glue. Let's have sex. I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help.... You're dead sexy. Get in my pussy! I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms? The Lord gave us the power to fuck. So, let's go have sex! If I was a chipmunk, and you were a bunny,...wait, or was it the other way around...forget it, Wanna screw? Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let's begin. What do I have to do to be your booty call? If you talk to me, I'll fuck you. Do you believe in free love? (Certainly no!) Then how much do you cost? I have a 13 inch dick. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later. (Stare at her until she says "What!?!") It isn't just gonna suck itself. Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done. Thanks for the blow job last night. (What blow job? I didn't give you one.) You didn't? You owe me one. Let's go to your place and love each other until my dick falls in your pussy. I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished. Do you train cats? (No, why?) Because you just made my pussy cum! Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it. Let's face it. I'm hot, you're hot and we both know you got a crush on me. And really, who can blame you with a gorgeous face like this. So can I snatch a kiss or vice-versa (that is kiss a snatch). Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it. I've got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first? Hi, I'm a representative for Joe Boxer. I'm doing a survey on which brand guys prefer leaving in the corner of the room while having wild sex. Do you wanna go back to my place, fuck, then never speak again? I do. Ahoy there fair maiden, might I trouble thee for a fisting? I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together? I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give. I am participating in the Sexual Olympics multiple orgasm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out? I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place. I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just fuck. I'd like to sit and suck on what's hiding behind your zipper. You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis. If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you. You know, looking at you right now, in this light... I could fuck you. try me once and if you don't like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It'd be more if you want foreplay. I'm afraid of getting pregnant. Want go up to my room and test all of my condoms? So do you fuck, suck and take it up the ass or am I wasting my time on a Jesus freak? Hi. I'm gay, think you can convert me? Grab your jacket, you've scored. Let's go. If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants. Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. She'd like your phone number. She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning. Hey baby! Wanna play superheroes? I'll be Superman and fuck you faster than a speeding bullet. When we are all done fucking each other silly and licking each other beyond reason - at that point it's such a good time neither one of us wants the night to end - you are not gonna think I'm gay, are you? Sniff....Sniff... I smell that you are in season, want to breed? Life is short. Let's fuck and see if there is anything after that. Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.





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